The Advil 45

Guckenberger ‘N Partners Advertising

December birthday people are acutely aware every year how their birthday gets overshadowed by the Holidays. We get used to the “combo” gift your parents offer growing up, “this bike is for your birthday and Christmas.”

My wife says, “I’d like to do something nice for your birthday this year, it’s a big number.” Indeed it was a big number, 45. My reply to her was this, “I’d like to play golf all day, 45 holes, have food and drinks ready for when we get home, then play poker.” “Done”, she says. Thus the birth of The Advil 45. We wanted to create the environment of a real tournament, so we even came up with a logo, and a sponsor, Grey Goose Vodka---one of the players is a regional manager for Bacardi, which distributes Goose.

The invitation list for The Advil 45 had to be carefully constructed. It needed to have a group within the same general handicap range. In other words, everyone needed to feel like they had a shot to win it, so no single digit players were invited. The player’s ages ranged from 38-51, and handicaps spanned 10-20. They were from a combination of work friends, neighborhood friends, old friends, new friends and my brother. I knew everybody, but there were several who were playing who hadn’t met yet, so I created a weekly email that took shots at the players, myself included, and tried to give each player a persona. For example, one player Roy Miller I’ve known for 30 years, I created the image that he was stuck in the 80’s. One email had as the subject, “what’s on their IPOD?” Of course Roy’s had Springsteen, Bon Jovi, Whitesnake etc. Another guy was recently divorced, so we made him to sound like Charlie Sheen, just getting in from the clubs as we teed off.

One of my neighbors set up the venue, Avila Country Club. The golf course personnel were extremely accommodating, (they held the tee box when we were finishing 16 both times to make sure we wouldn’t wait). One of my other neighbors suggested we play white the first 18, blue second 18, and gold tees for the final, brutal nine,  to mix it up, so we did. The date was December 20th…the second shortest day of the year, so could we finish? We knew it was imperative to be on time, because we couldn’t make up ground. It was 10 straight hours of golf, no stopping.

The day arrives. My wife, a former radio promotions director, made up Advil 45 goodie bags, complete with Advil 45 logo balls, Grey Goose mini bottles to give to each of the players. When I was working on the pairings, two guys who didn’t know each other had taken verbal swipes at one another—so I had to pair those two in the same cart. On the driving range, one says, “it’ll be like Bellicek and Mangini…very frosty!” I had to pair one of the members, who had spent hundreds of dollars on new Plus Fours, with a Gator tie, new shoes, socks and cap with one of the players who arrived with athletic socks with a color band at the top, and a  wooden driver, it was perfect…and of course the Guckenberger brothers. Ken and I always manage to bring out the best/worst of each other on a golf course. Rarely does one ‘Berger brother win by a bunch.  Only one time can I remember being far behind and not seeing brother Ken’s “wheels fall off” and giving me a shot to win. The converse is true too.  One time I was six ahead with two to go in a tournament in Sarasota. I hit my second shot in the water with a three wood. Frustrated, I broke the 3 wood. I then hit a four iron in the water. He won by one as burst into flames at the finish line.

So I get off to a great start, par, par, bogey, par, but stumble a bit and shoot 44 on the front. My brother, struggles early, but makes three consecutive birdies on the back nine to get into contention. We don’t know that Jay is posting an 83 in the group ahead to be just ahead of my 84, and my brother’s 88. Only one other 45er has shot in the 80’s, Noel (89). The pre-tournament favorite, Jim (the plus fours) has shot himself completely out, with something close to triple figures. We have previously decided to mix the foursomes for the second 18, so coincidentally it’s all the leaders, Jay 83, the other 80’s shooter Noel (89) my brother and myself. I proceed to go 8 over on the first three holes, Noel is on his way to a silky 40 on the front, Ken and Jay are struggling but not as badly as I am at the time. I finally settle down, and play well the next 14 holes to shoot 91. Noel explodes on the back nine to shoot 90 after a front side 40. According to our calculations after 36, I’m ahead by 5 over Jay. We switch up the groups, and I see John for the first time in eight hours. John had a different mission that day, “where’s the beer girl” he bellowed at 8:15 AM. He found her, over and over. When I started with him eight hours in, let’s just say it was wise for me to be driving the golf cart. On the 37th hole, John hits three balls in the trees. I ask him, “what did you get?” He says, “double”, probably a reference to his last stop at the drink cart!

The caddie says, you’ll never finish as we approach the 4th hole around 5p. The group says in unison, “we have to”. Jay makes a bit of a charge, but in the end he’s just too far back, and I win the Advil 45 trophy with a two shot victory. We go back to the house, all feeling like we actually accomplished something, had some food and beers and proceeded to not move for several hours. Poker was canceled on the account that it would’ve been too much activity at that point…our bodies had had enough. On to the Advil 46 next year!